”When two people believe opposing things, chances are that one of them is wrong. It pays to find out if that someone is you”
That quote is from Ray Dalio, the founder and Grand Poobah at Bridgewater Associates, the largest hedge fund in the world and a successful billionaire entrepreneur.
Dalio likes to develop the idea of thoughtful disagreement, in which the goal is not to convince the opposite party that you are right, but simply to find out which view is true and then what to do about it. It’s about engaging in an exchange where, as Dr. Stephen Covey in his 7 principles of Highly Effective People explained, ”you seek first to understand and then to be understood”.
The goal should not be to bludgeon the other into accepting your views, but to leave the disagreement smarter that when you started and that this leads to improved decision making and a harmonious conclusion. In reality, the winners of an argument, if there is such a thing, are those who leave the discussion having learned something. Whereas the losers are those who stubbornly cling to their thoughts, beliefs and reasoning without having given any consideration to the others’ point of view.
Losers are also those who engage in incessant monologues without giving space to the other party to express their views.
”To me, it’s pointless when people get angry with each other when they disagree because most disagreements aren’t threats as much as opportunities for learning.”
”Holding wrong opinions in one’s head and making bad decisions based on them instead of having thoughtful disagreements is one of the greatest tragedies of mankind.”
For sure, this requires open-mindedness, and the ability to stand apart from yourself in order to analyze the thoughts and reasoning of others dispassionately. Never forget that you are looking for the best answer overall, not simply the best answer you can come up with yourself.
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